My Love Letter to Black Men
Happy Father's Day to Black Men!
Here's my love letter to Black men, We love you. I have had the privilege of having an entire village of men support me through every phase of my life. My letter will address each Black man and their role.
To my biological father, I love you. This is for Black men that struggled through fatherhood and didn't get it juuusssttt right the first go around. Were you ever present at all the big milestones, YES. You weren't that successful at fatherhood in your younger years, but I can attest that you have grown in it. To see your dedication to being present in your grandchildren’s life is refreshing. To you Black men, I'm thankful for your growth in parenting. I'm thankful for your ability to take ownership for your shortcomings and grow from them. So to the Black men that are trying to correct past mishaps, give it your all. Never give up. Even if it feels your actions aren't being reciprocated, keep doing your part. Just continue to show up. The guards and calluses that have built up over the years will take some time to smooth away. Keep showing up.
To my dad, Calvin, I love you. This is for Black men that see no difference in biological and bonus/step kids. Thank you for standing in the gap. You never flinched at the many obstacles that came with parenting and you have depleted yourself for every ambition or dream we had. To see your continued unwavering support with the next generation and the love that surrounds your heart for us all is God's love manifested. To you Black men, I'm thankful for your consistency, faith and love. I'm thankful for your ability to love without boundaries and understand that a woman and her kids are a package deal. So to the Black men standing in the gap, keep standing. You may not get the recognition immediately, but keep standing. I was an adult before I was able to verbalize to my dad, exactly what his presence in life meant to me. Black men, I don't know how long it will take your child, it could be today, tomorrow, next year or the next decade, but if you keep standing in the gap, they will make their feelings/words/emotions known to you.
To my husband, @theHBCUdad, I love you. This is for Black men that are husbands. Thank you for loving me and showing up daily. We have had some growing pains, but we've survived this thang. Thank you for showing our kids, that our love for each other is important. Sometimes, we need space to love on one another. Thanks for showing them a protector and provider, but also showing them your vulnerabilities, compassion, friendship and love. Black men, it is important to show your Black sons, that it's okay to express love towards other male family and friends and not demonize it as abnormal. It's okay to go to therapy for your health PERIODT. It's okay to not be okay and to be able to vocalize and communicate that in a healthy way. Thank you for being committed to working with me in changing the parenting experience of our kids and future generations. Thank you for being the first role model for your sons. To you Black men, I just thank you for loving us Black women and showing your Black sons how to protect Black women and your Black daughters what protection looks and feels like.
To my brother, Sandchez, I love you. This is for Black men that are uncles and could also be dads. Thank you for being a Village member and showing up for it all. To you Black men, I'm thankful that you’ve become prominent fixtures in your nieces, nephews, cousins, and extended family member’s lives. Thank you for your mentorship and love. Thank you for taking them during the summer breaks and providing them that connection to extended family, especially when you live miles apart. Thank you for showing up to the extracurricular, dedications, graduations, spring and summer breaks, holiday and life events. Thank you for being another example of Black male role models. Our kids need to have role models within their own Village, so I thank you for being one of those.
To my father-in-law, Weldon, whom I affectionately called “Pops”, I love you. This is for Black men that pour into their kid's spouses/significant others the same way they poured into their own kids. Thank you for your everything. Pops, you were a big part of our Village and that void is felt daily. To you Black men, I'm thankful for your acceptance. I have heard horror stories of in-laws, and for Pops, I'm thankful. Pops love for me wasn't contingent on his son's love for me. He loved me because he loved me, there was no but or addendum necessary. To you Black men, I thank you for showing love as God intended. When your kid's spouse marry, the expectation is that they will become a member of your family, not a visitor extended courtesies because of their affiliation to your child.
To my son's godfathers, Nate and Karl, I love you. This is for Black men that take on the role of a godparent and could also be a dad. Thank you for being a Village member and showing up for it all. To you Black men, I'm thankful that you have become prominent fixtures in your godchild(ren)’s lives. Thank you for your mentorship and love. Thank you for becoming a literal Village member in moving minutes away from us to be a support system. Thank you for showing up to the extracurricular, dedications, graduations, spring and summer breaks, holidays and life events. Thank you for being another example of Black male role models. Again, our kids need to have role models within their own Village, so I thank you for being one of those.
And last but definitely not least, to my uncles, cousins, extended family and friends. There are so many of you, I won't even begin to try to drop names. Many of you have been present for all of it. My many milestones such as birthdays, graduations, marriage, birth of kids, housewarming, holidays, kid’s birthday parties, and everything that comes along with the kids. To you Black men, thank you for your efforts, no matter how big or small. You have been a loving extension to our family and have provided me with mentorship, correction, guidance and love. Thank you for being a Village member.
In closing, I want to say to Black men, I love you. I appreciate you. You are necessary. You are needed. You are valued. You are priceless. You are worthy. For those reading this entry, please don't allow FLAWED statistics that present Black men as absent fathers skew the picture of my Village of Black men. Black men are the MOST present and engaged fathers PERIODT. Today, acknowledge the Black men in your lives that are fathers. They don't have to have any biological kids or kids at all, if he is showing up to be a consistent presence in a child's life, wish them a Happy Father's Day. Thank them for their efforts and give them their flowers today. So, to the afore mentioned men, I love you. I hope these words are just a verbal expression of what I show and give to you 365 days of the year. Thank you for being who you are, what God called you to be and thank you for your love.
Love,
@theHBCUmom
