Women are SEXUAL Beings Too!
It’s National Women’s Equality Day, and I wanted to speak on this really quick then let ya’ll get back to your day. Women are sexual beings too. Men aren’t the only people that like masturbation, porn, being in control or controlled, role play, foreplay, sexting, etc.
I don’t know why in 2022, I’m having to have this conversation, but it’s a vast majority of the world that believes women are these meek, docile creatures that are here just to please the fantasies and desires of a man. NEGATIVE! Let’s break down why these societal norms have existed for far too long.
#1 Stop raising US to see self pleasure as perversion. I speak from my own experience. I noticed in my rearing, when my brother and other male cousins started exploring pleasuring themselves, it was identified as a natural progression in sexual exploration. Baby, I got caught with a dirty book , that I stole from my biological father none the less, and was shamed for it. Help me understand why boys are groomed to not associate shame with self exploration (masturbation), but girls are sometimes demonized for even attempting it. Just STOP!
#2 Stop raising US to see sex as an act for marriage consumption only. Now don’t get me wrong, I would love for my boys to wait until marriage to have sex. As I have shared with my oldest and his friends, SEX complicates relationships. But it seems that ONLY females are reared with the belief to wait until marriage to have sex. Males are supported in sowing their royal oats to get it all out of their system. How SWAY? How the hell an entire demographic can experience their wildest fantasies and desires, but another is supposed to wait for those things because it’s politically correct and acceptable for her to be a virgin or less sexually experienced bride. How many celebrity dudes speak on their sexual exploits, but praise that their significant other doesn’t have the same body count. At least that’s what they think… 👀
#3 Stop raising US to view sex as an act to KEEP our man. When I had my engagement party back home (Burnt Corn, AL), all the elderly women walked around and whispered words of advice in my ear. Most of them shared, “do what he wants, because what you won’t do another woman will”. It wasn’t until later in life, I asked did anyone share words of wisdom with him during that event. And it was a resounding NO. Nobody told him to please me, because what he wouldn’t do another man would. So he wasn’t coerced with the looming thought that the entire female demographic outside our marriage would come to his “Beck and Call” if I wouldn’t. LOL. Ya’ll really got the game phucked up. Which brings me to my next point.
#4 Stop PITTING women against each other as objects of sexual lust and desire. Those comments immediately made me look around the room, like what hoe in here looking to please my husband if I don’t want to. That sets women up for unrealistic expectations. Nobody told me the depression I might sink into after childbirth. In which I felt less desirable and didn’t want my husband to touch me. Nobody told him that your wife may have some ruts, speak life into her and not withdraw. They also didn’t tell me what a horn dog I’d become during pregnancy… Man I had all kind of porn subscriptions. Yeah, that’s brings us to the next point!
#5 Stop teaching us that PORN is deplorable and satanic. We not going to have a bible study on this topic. When I met Demea, I was honest that I watch porn from time to time. He actually found the honesty in that sexy. Most women have been told that an interest in porn aligns her with “a lady of the night” and that’s been so deeply embedded in our psyche that we lie about simple truths of the enjoyment in watching a flick. My grandmother use to tell us, “what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander”. I didn’t understand it, when she would recite it to us as kids, but I have an appreciation for it today. If porn is okay for male enjoyment and sexual arousal, it’s good for women too. Girl step into your truth and tell that man you like porn too!
I’m sure there are more to add to this list, but these were heavy on my heart today. I am not raising a daughter, but if I were, I’d want her to be well aware that it’s a NATURAL progression in curiosity and sexual exploration to MASTURBATE. I try to do it at least once a week, but these kids won’t let me be great. If a woman’s sexual gratification is always tied to a man, it’s a correlation that her body count will continue to rise OR she’ll stay in a dead relationship? When I realized I can satisfy myself better than anyone; that I could teach my husband what I liked and didn’t like; it opened my mouth and mind to own my sexuality. To own that I should enjoy this encounter and reach an orgasm with each interaction. Why should the man be the only one busting nuts? No ma’am! As Samia says from @SexualEssentials “STOP FAKING ORGASMS!” Ya’ll best find your voice and let them know. And if you need assistance with where to start in exploring yourself, start with her, she’s got so many classes for those that are just now realizing it’s okay to bring oneself to sexual fulfillment.
In ending, I’ll share that I didn’t find my voice until I was living on my own in Texas. I was 21 before I had my first orgasm and realized, OH SHIT this that shit. Mind blown! I had aligned that sex was an interaction I was a part of, but didn’t bring much fulfillment to me. All I knew was that I was doing something that my man enjoyed doing with me. Lawd, change this trajectory for the next generation. Don’t let them be ME. Talk to our girls and if you don’t know how, call me. I don’t have NO problems talking bout sex, toys, masturbation, porn, or whatever else. Cause in the words of the dearly departed Bernie Mac “I got mine, you best get yours!”.
